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My stomach is constantly gurgling and I can no longer tell if I’m hungry, digesting, or pooping. That’s bad, right?

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Why hello red wine that tastes like vinegar! I am having a bad day, how did you know?

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Wherever I go, cats seem to be staring at me.

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My stomach is full of the driest pizza I’ve had in ages. Ages! Ever heard of sauce, people?

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I stopped taking allergy pills when I stopped leaving the house. So whoever brought these pretty flowers in clearly wanted me to suffer.

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Why is it that pimples always seem to develop right before photo taking opportunities are about to take place?

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Oops. I guess homail is very different than hotmail. Oh, typos.

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Gross. I just pulled out a white hair that had the texture and near-thickness of dental floss.

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Bock cervesa es muy sabrosa.

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So hungry yet so lazy to seek food. Seems to be a common theme in my “life” these days.

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