Stay-in-Bed Lady

I’m pretty sure the complete lack of exercise combined with staying in bed all day is causing my muscles to atrophy and bones to lose their density. Something tells me my body is being supported by a skeleton with the consistency of memory foam. Fitting for a stay-in-bed lady.

If I were a flight attendant I’d smear lipstick on my teeth, crimp my hair, and ask everyone if they like their nuts sweet, salty, or hairy.

It’s fun adding a surprise element to homemade food whether it’s whole chickpeas in hummus, extra cheese in lasagna, or hair in the pudding.

Would it be a turn off if you looked on my computer and saw recent searches for bedpans, and then saw a dirty one sitting on my night stand?

I currently have access to an adorable Shihtzu who seems to think every sleeping surface is made for her - something I can definitely identify with. This morning she came into my room, hopped on my bed, and slept next to my head for a couple hours. Together, we drifted in and out of sleep [...]

Supposedly unwashed hair starts to clean itself but I’ve yet to discover how many days/weeks of greasiness are required before it happens.

I saw a man looking up whilst loudly cooing like a pigeon by himself and realized I’m probably not too far off from becoming a pigeon lady.

Am currently sleeping on an air mattress which is a nice change because I’m closer to the floor where I can haphazardly place food. If I happened to soil myself, the mess would be easier to tackle. But I should probably clip my toenails to avoid accidentally puncturing my light as a feather bed.

[...]

Went out for pizza tonight and when the dessert menu came we ordered another large pizza instead - which was of course followed by dessert.

There comes a time when you just have to give back to your community and help an old woman find the right aisle for Preparation H.