Stay-in-Bed Lady

Brazilian waxing may be banned in New Jersey due to infections. Guess that means their reputation for having big hair remains unchallenged.

It was a nice day out but I couldn’t really enjoy it because I somehow managed to twist my butt which made it rather painful to walk around.

Sometimes you just have to put life goals aside and wallow in bed long enough to develop bed sores to keep you company.

I regenerate energy by staying in bed all day. Is this lifestyle green, and am I reducing my carbon footprint by being a lazy lady? Hope so!

Some day I want to stop being that creep who pays $3.25 instead of $3.18 in hopes of getting 3 quarters back to do laundry or ride the bus.

Last night I noticed my underwear felt tighter than usual. I figured I had gained unemployment weight as I shifted around uncomfortably in bed, wedgies working their way up. The thought of having to go buy more bargain bin underwear at a Victoria Secret’s sale was a disturbing reality. First underwear, then new fat jeans. [...]

If I could stay in a bed made of New York Pizza I’d have to keep buying delicious replacements to cure my insatiable desire to eat my beds.

I felt like a magician the day I put $10 in my pocket and pulled out $20. The magic just ended. I found the $10 in another pair of jeans.

Hope I get a decent pummeling. I complained to a friend about having back pains and he suggested we go to Burke Williams together since he has a gift certificate for a massage. I told him, “Nah, I want to go to a place where they’ll beat the shit out of me, not one of [...]

I’m suspicious of the Charmin Strong commercials for toilet paper that “doesn’t leave bits behind.” What if you buy their other varieties?!