Stay-in-Bed Lady

Sometimes you just have to share your bench seating, even if the guy has a scabbed over cold sore. Just don’t share your drink.

It’s a scary feeling not knowing whether that sore spot on your back is from the yesterday’s sad activities or a sign it’s about to go out.

Kids with adult faces ought to be locked up and kept away from the public until they have grown into their looks. Otherwise it’s too creepy.

Food for thought: the next time you order Thin Mints over the phone you might want to double check you’re going to get Girl Scout cookies and not pantiliners. Really, Always? Did you really have to call these Thin/Mince to be different? English is fine, the see through packaging is fine, we get it, these [...]

I walked past a man who bent over precariously and my first thought was, “Dude, he’s totally going to try to fart on me.”

I try so hard not to drink the MSG broth when I make instant ramen but 99% of the time it’s just too tempting to resist.

If everyone wants to send me their Tempurpedic mattress samples then maybe, just maybe, I can fulfill my dream of stitching together a bed.

I’m feeling so overwhelmed by the fact that I have not done anything I’ve planned to do today that I’m just sitting here, incapacitated.

I wish i had man servants who would lift me up out of bed and change my sheets for me, then do laundry, then fold and put away my clothes.

When you’re a kid, it’s cute to have freckles on your face. But when you’re an adult, no one ever compliments the bedsores on your face.